Misquotes

We've been testing some fax software at work, it generates a fax based on a crafted email. Anyway, to test, a colleague sent me a fax, stating that I was slung like a donkey. So, I was thinking, how do you sling a donkey? Do you need a special catapult? or is this some form of elite veterinarian practice for injured equines?

Barista

Yesterday, I wandered into my local caffeine emporium, as was served by a very polite, very cute barista. Today, however, I got the "I'm doing my customer service bit because I'll get a bollocking if I dont, I'm far too good to be here" wench. Don't get me wrong, retail, and teh the service industries are soul-destroying jobs. 6 years of roadside catering will teach you that. But if I smile at you in my most charming-as-fuck manner, you can smile back. It costs nothing, and believe me, my day is gonna be a lot worse than yours. Hee. [/rant].

Coffee was still good tho, just not filled up to the brim. I like my "yesterday" barista.

Batteries

I picked up a pack of batteries this morning. Not really exciting, but I am kinda worried about the general level of intelligence of people in a developed country where you need a colour code on batteries so you know which ones fit your electronic kit.

Seriously, if you can't tell the difference between a triple-A and a D cell except by the ring of colour about the end of it, you really shouldn't be trying to put batteries onto things. In fact, you probably shouldn't be allowed out in public unsupervised. If at all.

Kinda ruins the effect

So I was sat on the train station this morning, sipping my nuclear strength coffee, when across on the other platform, I spy an attractive young lady in a business suit, shoulder length brown hair, nice figure, not too big, not too small (I like my women with curves, not angles), and to complete the effect, she stepped out from behind the bags in front of her to reveal the finishing touch... bright pink flip-flops. Eep.

Nice diagram

Not usually one for tests... but...

the Provacateur (61% dark, 26% spontaneous, 42% vulgar)

your humor style: VULGAR | COMPLEX | DARK You'll crack on anything, and you're often witty, even caustic, about it. Therefore, your sense of humor is polarizing. You're transgressive, and you've got a seriously sharp 'edge'--maybe too much for some folks. If they get you, people think you're one of the funniest (and smartest) people in the world. If they don't, they think you're an ass. Whatever, right? While some might question your judgement, your comic intellect is unquestionably respected. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Chris Rock - Lenny Bruce - George Carlin

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 75% on dark You scored higher than 0% on spontaneous You scored higher than 58% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

In, out, in, out

Couldn't breathe last night, had to try to sleep sitting up or it felt like I started to suffocate. Wierd. Had a slug turn up in our living room, I think he came in under the door. Put a moat of salt around the door, the little shite still got in. Gonna have to throw him further out the window tonight. Gonna have a pet rabbit soon, the nipper wants to call her Jack-jack. Apparently I'm not allowed to call her Fourpack. Short for four pack of lucky feet. So I'm getting a cat. Egyptian Mau's look kinda cool, but I dont think it'd last very long round here, so I want a little tabby or tortoiseshell monster that will be able to look after itself. Goin on holiday in a week or so... that'll be nice. The joy of the open air, travelling down teh the open road, but mostly not being at work.

SQOTD

And the Stupid Question of the Day award goes to...

Anyone who, on approaching my desk, witnesses me eating a baguette, and asks "are you at lunch?". No, I'm making a fscking fashion statement by sticking a tube of bread in my mouth and filling that with egg mayo. It's ART dahling, and I'll just be off to the Tate to exhibit myself now, thankyouverymuch.

On a lighter note...

Somewhat annoying, but addictive

Suicide

Well, today was an interesting day. Someone who thought they couldn't take it anymore obviously couldn't. And jumped in front of my train. Now, I'm all for freedom of choice, but ending it all in front of a train somehow smacks of the ultimate in attention seeking. Futile, if there's no life after death, but still. Anyway... should you feel the need to top yourself, please don't do it in front of my train. I appreciate your life may be an angsty shithole, but there's always razorblades and a nice bath. It's alot easier to clean up too, unless you dont get many visitors, and your cats get hungry. You know how the little buggers are for hiding the choice cuts under the sofa.

On an unrelated note, what is it with the Alastairs of this world? Every single Alastair (or any similar spelling) seems to have been a complete and utter buntcubble (deliberately spoonerised). I'm sure there are some really nice Alastairs in the world, I just seem to be hitting the far edge of the probability curve and catching all the arseholes.

On a somewhat related note to the first article, angsty goths, when threatening to commit suicide with a (butter) knife, do no appreciate being given a bloody great big, and more importantly, sharp, carving knife and told to "Do it properly". Ah, the memories we have of college years.

Wheee

Baguettes. Nice idea. I am, all in all, a fan. Except when people take some sort of perverse delight in stuffing the damn thing full of lettuce. Now, I'm not a rabid veggie, in fact, I'm slightly more of a carnivore than your average tiger, but that said, I like a bit of lettuce in the chicken and mayo fest that is my lunch. That would be "a bit". Not half the bloody thing. My baguette should not look like it has a long green mohawk.

I suppose there are bigger things to worry about, but that's what's currently occupying a few seconds of my mind. Along with dolphins, AES Vs 3DES, coffee (black with two, thanks), not going for a smoke (I quit over 2 months back), building that HA-pair of firewalls, as well as the transfer for the other one, and the three I've yet to start, Newman and Baddiels "History Today" sketches, Bill Baileys "Ambulance Siren" sketch, Eddie Izzards giraffe impression, a Tauren Druid, and undead priest, tinsel, having to go fill my water bottle, 3rd world aid, breasts, Lotus' on eBay going for £0.50, really not smoking, more breasts, more coffee, certificate management, Formula One, tattoos, rare steak with mashed po-ta-toes, Lord of the Rings, X-Wing Vs Tie-Fighter (the game from about a decade ago), duck tape, even more boobage, jam, and WoW.

But not necessarily in that order.

Later.